the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
