There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
