I heard we made out
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
