They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Bring me that man meat
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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