I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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