she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
