I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
