the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
