Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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