Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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