i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
