I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
farters have to be the big spoon...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
