Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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