I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
