atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
