Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
