u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
