I wanna passion pit in your ass
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
