I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
