The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
