I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
