I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
