I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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