I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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