Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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