my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
