Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
