you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
