We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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