sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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