I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
