I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
