it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
