If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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