If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
