ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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