We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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