A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sober January is a disaster.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
