yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
