oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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