Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
