STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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