Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
