What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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