we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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