I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
