I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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