Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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