Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
