Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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