O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
