Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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